I have no words. I spoke to a friend, earlier today, of the predicament I find myself in – a blog post to write and nothing to say. She said I should write down just that and see where it takes us. It’s good to have friends in life – they see things we do not see and they help us when we are stuck. She was right, of course. My problem has become my solution. My limitation is actually the gift.
I believe that words have the power of life and death. Anything with such capacity to create or destroy should be used with great care. If all that is waiting is a bomb of destruction, it’s safer to say nothing at all until such a time as words of life will come out. Not that I feel I will write something negative today. I truly have nothing brewing, that’s all. No words. St Francis of Assisi said that we should “Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” People like me who love verbal communication need to keep quiet sometimes and proclaim messages by example rather than voice. You know, do as I do, not as I say. Without saying a word, what story is my life telling? Do I leave a fragrance behind that has others wondering “What beautiful thing just walked through here?” Do my actions affirm, build up, heal, inspire, encourage, help and serve? Am I ushering in life where situations appear hopeless? Do the decisions I make release a tidal wave of goodness that affects my family and community? Do I smile into a sea of frowns? Do I light candles when the sun is behind a cloud? Do I behave like a clown when it’s all getting far too serious?
I read once that human beings need about eight meaningful touches a day. That’s all well and good for me in this season of life, swamped by the touch of my family. They are completely overdoing it and I am thankful that, at times, I need to lock the door and lie in the bath, alone and untouched, for twenty minutes. What about the eighty year old lady in the old age home? The one with no family. Do we just leave her to accept that the only touch she will receive is that of her carer giving her a bucket bath? No, what we ought to do is go and visit her and rub lotion into her gnarled hands, brush her hair, massage her shoulders, sit side by side with a hand on her knee. Maybe she won’t get eight meaningful touches a day but eight a week is so much better than none at all.
I went to an outstanding talk on Friday on substance abuse and addiction. A panel of experts sat before us – a teacher, a doctor, two addicts in recovery giving their lives to fight for the freedom of others, three out of four of them parents themselves. I listened and confidently trusted their words because of their stories, experience, training and research – all coming from their different angles yet speaking the same language, agreeing. What stood out for me, like a lightning bolt, is that people are wired for connection. Connection will wallop addiction and put him in jail whilst it breaks the chains of the imprisoned soul, setting him free. We might not be addicted to a substance but we all have issues, and as we journey through life on a quest for wholeness and freedom and meaning, our lives are transformed by our relationships. We cannot and should not be doing this alone.
There is no relationship that will trump the turning of a son to the Father; you, the created being, looking into the eyes of the Creator. This relationship is key and we are invited to enter into it. The blood of the Saviour poured out for us – our life and healing balm forever. If we were alone in the world, us and Him, everything would be made right for us in our connection with Him, like a branch grafted into a most holy vine. But God has also set us into community. Right in the beginning he said that it was not good for man to be alone. He created family and he puts families alongside other families. He has written it like a relentless whisper across the sky that we must love others and steward well all that is around us. I didn’t come up with the idea that people need to be touched and I didn’t decide that people want connection, but I have heard it and read it and my life lived on earth so far testifies that it is true. My own children play up when I am busy with tasks – they would rather get my negative attention as I give them my cross face and yell, than have no attention at all. I am learning to be quicker to get down on their level and look them in the eyes, hold their hands, listen to their story. They only want me for a few seconds and then they are off again, strengthened by the interaction. Human hearts need love. Our souls thrive when we connect and attach. We can say the words “I love you” but are we showing love with our actions?
Today I have nothing to say, but am I listening? Am I holding space for another? Am I reaching out? Who is alone and vulnerable and might need my eye contact, my gentle touch, my loving act of service today? And who is the one who appears to be doing just fine? The last one who comes to mind? All too often we hear of a suicide and we reel in shock and disbelief because no clue was given as to the depths of darkness that person was in. Let’s look out for others. Let’s put our phones away and stop giving those around us the message that they are not as interesting as what’s happening on the screen. Let’s stop talking about it and using fancy words about how much we care and let’s do something that will leave someone else with little doubt of their value and our commitment to them.
There. That’s quite a lot of words from someone who had nothing to say.
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