I’m sitting here with a sad headache, squinting through tears. We have had family from Australia staying and we’ve just said goodbye until the next time, which will be HOW long, we don’t know. Such a big sea between us. One child has just walked passed with a frown and crumpled forehead above her bloodshot eyes and said “Oh no, I forgot to make them my iced-coffee.” I don’t look into her eyes too long, and say “Next time, see?” and we both nod.
We live thousands of kilometres apart and we don’t do normal, every day life together, but we are family; and that counts for hundreds of missed birthday parties, newborn babies, promotions, graduations, Sunday lunches, house-warmings, twenty-firsts, weddings and normal every days. When we get our few days of togetherness, we hold one another close and soak up the minutes making each one count. We went out, we did things, we saw sights and we bought gifts but the highlight for me was late at night when we all sat in the lounge, young and old, within 2m squared of one another. Some on the couch with some on their laps, others draped on arm rests, perched on the coffee table and lying on the floor. Like a pride of lions lazily napping on top of one another in the shade after a feast, all happy just to be close.
My grandmother and I have had several conversations recently about what matters at the end of our lives. We agree that loving people and being loved in return takes the cake. Nothing can beat it. When we breathe our last breath we are probably thinking about loved ones and if they are prepared for it, they are probably the ones kissing our hands and cheeks when the final moments come. No degrees or excellent public speeches or thriving bank accounts or Olympic wins can compare with the success and richness of belonging. A good reputation is a beautiful thing but I can’t see the full point of it if there is nobody to share it with, no celebration with loved ones or people to leave a legacy with. Whether we share a family name or a blood line that we didn’t have much say over, or whether we find one another and choose one another along the way, I believe a human heart experiences a divine level of wellness when it is connected to others.
Living near or far seems to be of little consequence when hearts want to touch. I think I have taken for granted the bonds I have with family and friends who live close by. I always just think that we will get time and chance and we do, but this time together with far-away family has made me realise how precious it is to be in relationship and how much the times together count. When I kissed cheeks and heads of precious nieces for the last time this afternoon, I was madly scanning all of my imagination to find a solution to put an end to goodbyes like this one, forever. I feel my heart strings literally pulling with the strain of the distance between us and those we will need a plane or ship to get to. My chest, throat and tear ducts are connected to conspire against me if I want to send voice messages or make a call. They say the world is so small, but it’s feeling enormous to me right now.
I have no conclusion that will make everything right here. Seems that even if we love and are loved, we are doomed to live far away from some. We will need to dream, plan, pray for a lucky break or a ship to come in so that we can visit and until then, letters and voice notes saying “I love you,” “I’m thinking of you,” and “Remember when my coffee went out of control and drenched my hair and your feet and the drops ran down my glasses?”
“How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh
Psalm 121 v 7 & 8 “The Lord will keep you from all harm – He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and for evermore.”
Traditional Irish Blessing
May the road rise up to meet you,
May the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rain fall softly on your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
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