It can be tempting to wish away difficult seasons. We are not comfortable with suffering and should we be? It hurts. Sometimes very, very badly. Prayers can turn into bargains, even desperate pleas: “God, if you do what I am asking You to do I will do this, this and this.” Just today I listened to friends of ours, publicly, tell their story of an accident that changed their lives and the way they think and live. It made them question what they believe. It has challenged their outlook and the common-held belief that we will be happy when our troubles are over. They have come to think that if they are waiting for God to heal before doing their side of the bargain, why not just do it now? I watch them laughing and living bold, brave and beautiful before what-they-long-for occurs. They have found a hope that is not dependent on their circumstances, but on our God who is not shaken by any storm.
Throughout the day, I have had several conversations and become keenly aware of people’s struggles. I am not the only one battling away. Like layers peeling from my eyes, suddenly it’s clear that I have much to be thankful for. Although our circumstances are widely different, trials are part of life and there are people who need me more than I need my own self-care and introspection. One of my friends cannot see a thing as I see. She is blind, and yet during our conversation she noted several times of the things she has seen. Her blindness wasn’t even something to talk about. She has lived with this ‘limitation’ that has made her other senses operate on another level altogether. She is keenly sensitive to people and the environment around her in a way that I am not sure she would be if her eyes were swallowing up the world around her. She has learned to live large and to see in ways that do not require her eyes. At one point we walked across a narrow bridge. Me in front, hands behind my back, her behind, hands in mine. “Don’t fall in the water on my watch,” I begged. We might have been sad about the blindness but it wasn’t even something to think about in that moment as we continued our journey and crossed the next bridge, hand in hand.
Our family is living through a situation that has caused much distress and a proper wrestle with anxiety. Attachment to a child that you didn’t give birth to is a whole new level of deep waters. At times I have needed to intentionally breathe my way through the day, unsure of anything else at all. Incredibly, at this point, the heat is more intense than ever and we are managing to push all the uncertainty aside as we live our lives. Sure, my eyes sting a lot, tears fall, sometimes I do household chores with such over zealous vigour that my shoe breaks, but this is my road to walk even if I’m barefoot by the time I am done. This trial is burning more than my eyes, it’s a fire eating up all my doubts and questions about who God is and what life is all about. It’s bringing me to my knees before the One who has the final say in all things. Just as King Solomon spoke one line in wisdom to establish who the baby’s true mother was, there is a wisdom at work in our lives as we submit to God’s timing and ways. We are stable and we will not drown in the waters when we follow His lead, hand in hand, for all time.
Life can be hard, and who we do it with makes all the difference.
Isaiah 43 v 2 “When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”
James 1 v 2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
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