There is a silver tint to the sun’s usual golden shine and this morning’s cloak has a cool autumn edge to it. A dove is cooing a regular beat and the intermittent trill of birdsong in the trees builds a light-hearted song in my own heart. A turn in season calls us to pay attention, don’t you think? Something new is unfolding. A thousand autumns and more have come and gone, and yet never this one, politely moving us out of summer warmth into the chill of winter. Instead of bustling through my usual start to the day, I stand still and I watch the flicker of tree tops touching the sky, hoping for an epiphany, a divine whisper, a solution for a problem or even just a good idea. In this unusual moment of contemplation I hear, instead, the shrill of a ROOSTER!
How rude! A sound so wholesome and earthy on a farm is not welcome right here in our peaceful suburb. I suddenly recall hearing a rooster crowing in my dreams just hours before and it dawns on me that this is no dream. Our quiet life in the suburbs has been disturbed and I cannot imagine who has given this cockerel permission to strut his stuff by our bedroom window. Turns out, our neighbour is fully aware he exists and she is trying to control his night time squawking, but she has no intention of getting rid of him. I am astounded that she would think this is acceptable. And then I remember who I am: mother of many children and their cousins and friends who fill this property with laughter, shrieking, playful shouts and crying. I’m, basically, a hypocrite, expecting from others what I am incapable of giving away myself! So quick to point out a fault in another without even considering my own faultiness. As well as the children, we also have a gate that opens and closes noisily and the dogs bark at all of our coming and going and never once has my neighbour-with-a-rooster complained. She, good-naturedly, lives beside my commotion. I realise, in the blink of an eye, that we are capable of making way more noise than they ever will. How can I imagine there should be silence from her side when she has shown us nothing but gracious acceptance?
Romans 12 v 18: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
How often do I make a judgement? How often do I insist on a higher standard from others than the one I abide by?
We cannot expect to just take in life. It works best when there is some give too. Taking hold of the most worth while things means a whole lot of giving away or giving out or giving up. We have a new baby in our house and suddenly everything is wonderful and everything is also hard and pricey. This gorgeous child with his sweet breath and silky skin has brought immense joy to our family and we are in awe. We are delighted and besotted and would not return him for anything. His arrival has meant a million good things but he is not for free. He is costing us all kinds of things like sleep, money, our flowing routine, uninterrupted stories and conversations, an orderly home, my looks (more on this later) and the ability to arrive anywhere on time. My hands are always full of babe now and most other things have taken a back seat, like my pot plants and our meals and folding washing and remembering friends’ birthdays and our capacity for even being remotely hospitable. Where I was once strong and capable and organised, I now rely on people’s grace and mercy. Receiving this gift means that a whole lot is expected in return. It requires sacrifice on many levels and it is worth it. He is worth it.
As for my looks – I’ve never been supermodel material, although my friend has a very informative height chart and when I measured myself against it I was exactly the baseline height for those who the catwalk was designed for; so there is that. My hair has always had a life of its own but this post-partum season has seen it reach new levels. After several days of feeding the newborn rather than attending to my hairstyle, we discovered a knot at the base of my bird’s nest top knot. As I attacked that matted beast with conditioner and a comb, one of my children said, “You’ve always wanted dread locks haven’t you Mom?” When I woke up from a much needed afternoon nap the following day, there was drool on my pillow and another child pointed out that my mascara was on my cheeks. My maternity clothes are way too big and my pre pregnancy clothes are too tight and so the tangled, frizzy hair and smoky eyes look is well rounded off with an assortment of ill fitting outfits. To top it all off, I lost my gum guard. Some people grind their teeth when they sleep okay, and their expensive gum guard is designed to prevent them from becoming an old lady with tiny, worn away teeth. Well, I am the A type personality who never loses anything because I always put things back where they belong, but I had a baby and my A tendencies are now getting F’s and suddenly the essential gum guard is no where to be seen.
Have you ever read that portion of scripture that addresses the sexually immoral in the church? It says we are not to even eat with them; harsh! What we might have overlooked is that it lumps idolaters and greedy people with them too. We are quick to categorise wrong doings into serious offences and not-so-serious ones. We might even think that our faults aren’t as bad as other people’s and we are happily feasting away when we should be examining ourselves first to see if we are actually worthy of eating with them. Friends had just arrived for afternoon tea when we were discussing all this and one friend said, “Oh dear, what are we going to do with all this cake?” We are all a work in progress, each one of us with a log in our own eye that needs addressing before we pull the splinter out of another’s. As much as we need to take all the grace available to us, we need to give out all the more. That said, sin is sin and we should give it up, no matter what it is, and take one step after another in the opposite direction. Proverbs 14 v 12: There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death.
I find it easier to see things in black and white, but life is feeling a whole lot more grey the older I become. Some circumstances require compromise and cooperation produces strong teams. Making concessions, accepting others as they are and giving up our own way can help us show love to others and live in peace with them. What could be more precious in community?
It’s Easter time and, once again, I remember that Christ gave His life for me so that I might take on eternal life and freedom and a way of existing far more glorious than anything I had known before I knew I needed a saviour. When we take the gift that has been given us, we cannot ever live again in the same restricted way we did before. Like a baby in the womb, fully alive in its watery, warm, confined, darkened world, we are alive before birth but were never meant to continue in that way. If we stay in the dark, we will die. We are designed to be born again. Just as a baby knows to breath in order to live outside of the boundary of the womb, we must trust that as we exit the darkness and come into the light, we will instinctively respond to the whole new world we have been birthed into. One where our spirits are revived, we believe and can finally see. I am no theologian, but upon this new birth I imagine we begin to breath a combination of faith, hope and love. We breathe His words and His spirit fills us and we can never be the same again.
Let’s give and take with generous hearts. Let’s give up our small living and take a big breath in the wide open spaces God has for us.
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