Ramshackle Wonder

My friend, Saskia, and I would like to encourage everyone out there to stop worrying so much about their houses.

Is your place a small place?

Tend it with care: –

He set you there.

Is your place a large place?

Guard it with care! –

He set you there.

Whate’er your place, it is

Not yours alone, but His

Who set you there.

– Your Place by John Oxenham –

The two of us live in houses that are old and falling apart here and there. We have both felt self-conscious about the cracks, leaks, chipped walls and mismatched, after-thought, built-on rooms. I have, however, fondly called ours a patchwork-quilt-of-a-building and over the years people have commented, not on it’s ‘patchiness’ but on its character.

“We must make it our business, as much as in us lies, to bring beauty to places where it is not.” – Charlotte Mason.

It’s about rolling up sleeves and polishing the cracked floors, it’s hanging pictures on the chipped walls and putting flowers into vases. It’s about cats on cushions and a little pottery bowl filled with cherry tomatoes that were picked from the garden. I might be taking it a little far but I have told myself it might even be about the muddy shoes at the door, a heap of dirty dishes beside the sink and a dozen rugs hanging to air outside – those things mean there is a family living here and what could be more beautiful than that?

The first time we went back to my grandparents’ house after my Oupa had passed away, I noticed two things: his garden shoes neatly positioned outside the kitchen door and two tea mugs in the sink. I was not going to be the first to move those things. Our belongings all around the house mean that we are alive! I love neatening things up, but in the light of this, tidy houses are not, necessarily, beautiful ones.

What a privilege to take the shells of our places and fill them with things that we love and, more importantly, people we love. In spite of our reservations and hesitations this wonderful affirmation has come to my friend and I: “I love your home!” they say about hers and mine! It seems miraculous! What must the people see? Maybe the rugs, books, plants and soft places to sit. Perhaps the vase, the earthy up-cycled furniture, the quirky lamp or the cheery handmade blanket. They are overlooking a great deal of structural faults which means to me that there must be far more to a home than the bare bones of the building. It must be, as Saskia says, more about the atmosphere.

I think that no matter the age, value or size of our houses, we probably all have things we’d love to change or fix. We are all seeing the problems far more than our guests are. I have friends and family members whose houses are far smarter than mine is, but even so, I find myself visiting because I am looking for them, not their house. I am focusing so much more on the faces and stories of the ones I love than I am on the well placed chandelier or the exceptional plastering. And so right there, I wanted to speak into any stress that might want to build up over that fact and say:

it doesn’t have to be perfect to be JUST RIGHT.

The shell of a house is one thing, the heart of a home is entirely another and no two can be exactly the same. The walls will fall down one day, like we all will, but the essence goes on, into people’s memories as a song of safety, welcoming, rest and the best of times. We can be thankful even for what is simple, worn and unpretentious, cautiously guarding what we have been given to tend without stressing ourselves out with improvements and upgrades that might be completely beyond us.

Are we living our best lives or worrying about what people will say about us and our homes? I remember a cousin of mine once saying how lovely it was that a spider was weaving her web on my kitchen door because that meant it was a safe house to live in, not full of chemicals. I would have imagined someone might have thought I wasn’t cleaning properly around here when they spotted the spider, but she so kindly turned it around for me. We are a home, not a hospital – elbow grease, water and some good old fashioned white vinegar are more than enough to keep the standards decent. Anything more and who am I trying to impress?

I think if we could understand all this, many comparisons and much striving would fall by the wayside. In a world with such high standards and ideals it can be such a relief to sit on someone’s collapsing couch and drink a cup of tea. “Sorry, watch that chair,” I have to say. I haven’t tried to hide it, either. One day we will fix it, but for now I hope people can just relax knowing that they aren’t going to break anything because it’s already broken.

Shauna Niequist says, “People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they’ll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how odd.”

Proverbs 24 v 3 “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”

Be encouraged!

With love from us both XX