Sometimes we just have to thrash it out, even if we love each other; especially if we love one another.
This afternoon, my sister and I and our husbands and children were all having the best of times. We were lounging around the pond, content. One child was fishing and the fish were so enthusiastic they were jumping for his bait (little ball of bread) before it was even submersed. Some were throwing a rugby ball. Two of the littles swam even though an autumn chill is weaving through the land like threads on a busy loom. We ate ice cream cones and lay about on the green grass; bare foot, no pretences, happy just to be together.
And then it happened.
A question. A response. A knot of differing opinions. A tangle of misinterpretations. Misunderstanding. Heated words. Body language as cold as the breeze. Everyone is connected in this family and we work hard to stay this way and so everyone was involved in the problem and kept adding to it. Just when it felt that the fire was put out, another little one would spring up.
They say conflict makes you stronger and I do agree, but whilst we are in it, it is no fun at all. Many people run from it and some go to war and take one another out literally and metaphorically. In our family, we know that divorcing one another is not an option, and we know that we are going to come out the other side eventually. We also know that we are probably not going to be able to say goodbye until we are all happy again. I think I even heard one of the young ones ask: “How long is this going to take?”
When it appears that our peace has been disrupted, we are learning that the fight is less against one another and more, for one another.
I can guarantee that there are silent prayers and urgent whispers occurring throughout. Sometimes we go quiet, in other moments someone might ask, “What are we going to do?” Those that have something to say don’t hesitate. There is some huffing, head-shaking in disbelief and the tone and volume is questionable. In the end there is always breakthrough; a way forward, understanding, insight and a perspective that cannot come if we live isolated.
Proverbs 18 v 17 – The first to argue his case seems right, until the other comes and examines him.
We are not conflict experts, we make mistakes, we embarrass ourselves.
We are good at saying sorry, we outdo ourselves, we keep going in the stormy sea until we find the blessed shore.
I write because today we made it through. I’m not just reciting an ideal, I am telling a true story. There was a battle but we go to bed tonight without loss or casualties. Some of us said words of love and affirmation to one another today that would not have been said if we had, simply, enjoyed a quiet afternoon together.
Maybe you need to hear this today to know something true: It is possible.
After the blow up we went for a drive and picked oranges in the orchard, sweet juice running down chins and arms, a kiss from Heaven for fragile hearts. Fruit picking over, we stood and sat in the back of the pick up, wind washing all the sadness away as the sun began to set.
Ephesians 4 v 26 AMPC – When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down.
Psalm 107 v 2 & 28-30 – Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story – those He redeemed from the hand of the foe … Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; and the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven.
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