Some people simply love a good crowd. My husband is one of them. Our friends sometimes call him Mafurifuri (Shona word for butterfly) because he flits about light as a dust particle, wings growing more vibrant with every interaction. In that same crowd, I have spotted one familiar face and I make my way to that person as the crow flies, with no unnecessary stops along the way.
What if we are invited to break free of our inherent/learnt inclinations and in so doing discover we have been living smaller than we are capable of living?
Last week I was at the shops when I noticed a lad behind the butchery counter. He stood out to me and I couldn’t quite make out why. I began to panic because I thought God might be asking me to give Him a message and, as I have already mentioned, talking to strangers is not my strong point. As I asked him for pet mince, a gentle prompting came over me to “just engage” and so I did, uncomfortable as I was in that space. I smiled and he smiled back. We talked about work experience and how cold a butchery is and how vigilant one has to be when operating the sharp electric saw that cuts through bones. Small chit chat, nothing incredible. I wonder how often people pass one another by without even noticing? I have always just given a quick wave or nod of acknowledgement if I make eye contact with someone whilst out and about, but last week in the coldest part of the shop something in my heart began to thaw.
A few days later my sister and I went market shopping. We go where second hand clothes, shoes, blankets, curtains, bags (you name it!) from the first world are piled up in mounds right there beside the road in the heart of industrial town where the cars and people never stop. People in the first world choose to buy second hand goods if they are into recycling and up cycling and finding a good bargain, but they have specific shops to go into – virtual or down town. Our way is a necessity and is less like shopping and more like open air treasure hunting. Some call it the Bend Over Boutique. It is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it is one of our absolute highlights. After a long and fruitless search, I found the denim skirt I have been wishing for and began to pull it up over my jeans. It was all going well until my thighs and at that point I began to realise it was the sort of piece best put on over one’s head. Well! Talk about engaging, the lady selling the skirts was so committed to making a sale that she pulled and pushed that skirt up over my rear end in no time at all. There’s nothing odd about such behaviour in Africa (personal space is not a thing) but what stood out to me is that where I might have hesitated and politely observed the lady stuck in her skirt, she saw that it was perfect and put her back into helping me see so. Once the struggle was over, I was thrilled and so was she, and to avoid trying to get it off in a similar fashion, I simply paid her and continued shopping, skirt over jeans.
Yesterday we were at a different sort of market. The type where I don’t generally make eye contact with anyone unless I know their product and am planning on buying it. Ever since that “just engage” moment though, I have been growing in a new way of being and discovering how good it feels! Apparently, old dogs can learn new tricks. My extroverted husband began to look at me imploringly as I stopped and spoke to this one about the fabric she uses and that one about the ingredients in her cosmetics and this one with all his beautiful baskets. Nobody forced me to buy their wares like I thought they might if I looked at them and I learnt so much and even made a new friend. It doesn’t cost a thing to be interested in others and show appreciation for their efforts.
In this age we live in, the speed of our lives and the screens we use mean we probably have less actual face to face time with others than ever before. I am warming up to this idea that interacting with others rather than just passing by could have a profound impact. Perhaps many people are just going about their ordinary days, but as we stop, ask a question, notice, listen, we may discover that this one is grieving deeply and that one has just heard bad news and we just might be nothing less than a Messenger of God to communicate: “You are not alone in this world; I see you.”
Have you ever felt invisible walls crumble when engaging with people of different race or creed? When we take the time to peel away all the coverings, we discover something familiar at the core and we begin to understand. Our world might have some large problems, but the solutions are probably right at our finger tips, simple to execute if we will only dare to try. Let us acknowledge one another because we can and because there is no law against it. I imagine the benefits will be far reaching. The other day an elderly friend said he noticed a lady saying goodbye to her husband and she reached down and kissed him as she left and he thought to himself “That looked so beautiful, I must do that more too.” That’s the stunning thing about us people – we can be authentic and original and comfortable in our own shoes, but we can also model good ways of living for one another. We can let go of patterns and behaviours that might be harmful or even neutral in nature, in order to embrace higher ways, better ways. No need to panic, simply engage.
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better. – Maya Angelou
Not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation. I have started to believe that crying with strangers in person could save the world. – Brene Brown
Hosea 6 v 3: “Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”
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