These days it is easy to think that we have socialised when we have, in actual fact, been quite alone. We may have had a conversation on one level in the form of messages, but non-verbal cues, eye contact, touch and shared emotion is non existent. We start to view black words on white screens as contact and we think we know where people are at because we have seen all their best photographs of their recent holiday. We cannot knock rough edges off of one another this way and we cannot love others fully through social media.
I am rediscovering something that was as normal as learning ABC’s during my school days – the gift of team sport. Many of our schools cater for strong bodies as much as they do for strong minds. Where there is a classroom and a blackboard there will be a field and a swimming pool, too. If you go to school, you play sport, the two are inseparable. Recently, I joined a group of hockey players. I did not know many of them by name at first but our age and our love of hockey has brought us together. Once upon a time we were probably great little athletes; now we are not quite as agile. We are playing for fun and fitness but over the weeks I have realised it is way more than that; it’s something I took for granted whilst growing up. Every week we meet and get put into teams. I am bonded to these people through shared goals. One goal, we defend, the other we score into. It’s as simple as that. A shared goal can do much for camaraderie, friendship and connectedness with others. Now, if I see one of those hockey players whilst out and about we smile, wave and even hug. Scoring for the team has become far more than just working together during the game. When I think of ‘my people’ I am beginning to wonder if those old hockey players aren’t also somewhere in that category, motley crew that we are.
At the SPCA charity shop I find another group. We smile and wave and discuss the excitement that builds as we park and head into the store. We share a passion for digging for treasure. We hope that in amongst the old and broken we will find a book that is not in print anymore or a hand knitted cardigan or an ancient frame to put some new artwork into. We admire one another’s finds whilst we wait in line to pay. Someone voices their concern: ‘Is it okay to wear other people’s clothes? What if the previous owner died or committed a crime in them?’ I sweep my hands over my pile of clothes, unwilling to part with them. I pray that God will cleanse each item and make it new. We then stand cocking our heads and chewing our cheeks as I lift up one of my finds. Is it a nightie or a dress we wonder. It would be alright if I wore a dress as a nightgown, but to go trotting through the city in broad daylight in pyjamas is not really the vibe I am going for. We decide it is a fragile sort of dress, perfectly acceptable to go out and about in. Complete strangers, we stand nattering for a while. We are shopping in a place some people wouldn’t be caught alive in and we are having a ball. My prayers get answered in this shop. Not only am I recycling, up cycling and reusing, but things I have long hoped for suddenly become mine. Not only do I spend very little but what I do spend is helping vulnerable animals. My thrift store friends and I are not exactly a team yet we belong to those who relish bargains and all things vintage, out of date, pre-loved, unusual and already worn in. Not everyone enjoys this unpredictable sort of retail therapy and so finding others who enjoy it too is like speaking the same language. This one and his pile of books, that one and her straw hat and vase and me with my basket filled with clothes and biscuit tins and candle stick holders are scoring into the same goal and thoroughly enjoying ourselves in the process.
In an age where a virus can force us to live alone, attached to the world through a screen, we need to constantly be checking our boundaries. Are they closing in until they are just the four walls of our bedrooms with only one of us inside? It’s fabulous if you have your network of people around you who you are interacting face to face with regularly. My encouragement today is for those who are isolated and aren’t sure what to do about it. There must be a group of people doing something together that you would love to do, too. Flower arranging, pilates, pottery or running with a group? What about an art class, book club or a bird watching society? It’s never too late to learn a new skill or take up a hobby. Be a sport and try for the team. You can do it! Far from being an unwelcome addition, you are probably exactly who they are looking for.
If there was ever a season for togetherness, it is now. It is very difficult to be jolly when all alone. Perhaps we are surrounded by family and friends and that is wonderful but we may well need to reach out beyond ourselves. So many people go away for the holidays and the team sports are probably all taking a break, so let us be open to see who needs to be included. A message is good. A letter is lovely. A meal together all around the table, no matter how last minute put together, is where conversation flows and bellies fill and hearts knit together. Call a neighbour. Open the door. Put the kettle on and fill the tray with mugs, a teapot and whatever treat you can find in the pantry. Hug those neighbours, pour them some tea and look into their eyes as you ask them about their day.
People are designed to connect with other people. Don’t ever let the peace of your isolation replace the wonder of belonging and being a part of something bigger than yourself. Whether this season is full of laughter or tears, (because not everyone is having an easy time right now) spend it together, if at all possible. Happy Christmas, dear ones!
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. – Ecclesiastes 4 verse 10
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