Bad Things, Good People

I’ve written before about how important it is to listen to truth. When we find ourselves failing, confused or ashamed, it’s the ones in our team who know and love us who will be able to bring us back to stable ground. The God who lifts us from the miry clay (Psalm 40) has imprinted his heart into all kinds of folk around us who will be his ambassadors. When we are flailing, there are bound to be people around us willing to serve in the quest for the restoration of humanity.

And then sometimes there is betrayal.

Out of the blue, when we feel safe and our guards are down, a stab in the back. Accusation hits us like an arrow from the bow of an ally. A mutiny. Rejection. We find ourselves winded and reeling.

I don’t think people generally set out to be mean. I guess we all find ourselves afraid, frustrated, vulnerable and threatened sometimes, and in that place we become insensitive. We stop thinking properly. We want someone to blame. And in the process we harm other people.

Whether it’s true what’s happening or it’s just our perception of it, the trauma is real.

I’ve seen this happen a few too many times recently. I detected the wounding on the face of a dear and incredible friend and it knocked the socks off of me when I saw it. I had noticed her living quieter and smaller, and I was missing her. When I finally checked in, far too late, I discovered that she had been ‘excused’ from the very thing she does best…and there were witnesses.

“Did anyone speak up for you!?”

“No.”

One of my children was also ‘kicked out’ recently. A toxic atmosphere occurred in broad daylight, and this child held it all together until the floodgates opened. When they did, there was no stopping the torrent.

I manoeuvred in closer in stealth mode because I am not often allowed to play mama bear in public anymore. One child has even told me I need to sort my hair out before going to church. After slinking into the fringes, I was astounded to discover that I was allowed right in to the inner circle. I was welcomed in to wrap my arms around and pray. Nobody cared who was watching. I then marched beside the injured soul to convey without words:

If you mess with this person, you mess with me. And you can see I don’t care about keeping my hair in position if it needs to get crazy around here.

Soon as we got home one child made cake to help sweeten the situation. A tiny sibling then piped up wise words at dinner time, words that basically support quite a sound and mature philosophy:

When people tell you to go away, say to them, ‘No, why don’t you go away.’

We laughed. Good things were happening in our family. The blind-siding was being blind-sided.

The sad was turning funny.

The cruelty we wouldn’t wish on anyone became a gateway for a wave of kindness to flow through. When the rug gets pulled and nothing makes sense, we reach for God, for the solid folk, the wise ones, our parents and our boring, reliable friends who we were taking for granted. We soak up the goodness that comes our way in response to the hard knock. Trivial matters don’t affect us the way they were, and we start focusing on what really matters in life.

We want to protect our young ones from all the hard and ugly, but those can be the very things that cause us to move up a notch. An extra muscle gained, a little more empathy for others and confirmation that family, no matter how embarrassing they are, really do have your back.

I will be very surprised if my friend doesn’t make a comeback, louder and larger. My child too.

He plucked me out of a pit of confusion, even out of the quicksand; He placed my feet on a rock and established my steps. (ISV) – Psalm 40 v 2

And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. – Romans 8 v 28